so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
