I will die if light touches me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
