We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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