quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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