oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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