I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
