I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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