Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
