I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize