we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
