she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
