as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
