I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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