Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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