he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
