i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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