can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
