you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
