He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
