Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hippo gnu deer
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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