He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
