A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I did not marry a roomba.
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