bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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