I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
