Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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