we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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