Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.