i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging