cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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