Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke

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(516): View more from New York

A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet

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(317): View more from Indiana

The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.

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(323): View more from California

What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?

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(219): View more from Indiana

It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.

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