i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!