the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the gays at disneyland are vicious
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."