piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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