never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
