hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
