Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
