The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize