I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
