Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
