god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
