Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
