Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
