By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They have beer where we have blood.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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