I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
