Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
