i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
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Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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