don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize