Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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