Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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