No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
