Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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