I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
