I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
