Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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