I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
