i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
