I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
