discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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