I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
