theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
