the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
