dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You made out with two different species that night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
